Joannie^21.0

[Mood | Tired]

The day is here. This month I've thought a great deal about SBD. Probably more than I have in the past 2 anniversaries. I don't know why this year was any different. I was in New York last year as well, but somehow this year I found myself counting down to this date. Maybe it was because my moving day coincided with the date. Maybe it was because I found myself talking to old friends that reminded me of the past?

I'm not sure.

Today marks the 6 year anniversary of Serge's passing. I think my appreciation for everything in life has greatly improved since last year. I am grateful for all the wonderful people in my life, grateful for my luck in my awesome job, grateful for my amazing parents and grateful to be healthy and happy in the greatest city in the world.

Thank you Serge. When I think of you, I think about how much more appreciate the little things in life.

(I'd also like to take the time to apologize to any of my friends for any awkward/strange behavior... I just get into a rut in April)

~Joannie~
[Weather | Lovely]
[Listening | "Colourblind" by Counting Crows]

Labels: SBD

[Mood | Sullen]

Well its over. He's at the Holy Sepulchre cemetary in Southfield.

I'm glad I got to talk to his mother and tell her about the dream I had about him. It was a very nice and comforting dream. I'm also glad that she sort of knows who I am, that was very sweet and nice. I'm going to miss talking to Serge and miss hanging out with him, but at least I have those memories and I will cherish them forever. I love you now and forever Serge. Stay strong.

Serge Dioso
1985-2003

~Joanna~
[Weather | Wet]
[Listening | Nothing]

Labels: high school, SBD

[Mood | Worse than before]

This made me feel better. I found it in Dave's profile:

There's many times in life when things won't go as expected. Where the most carefully of planned plans will shatter to a thousand faults. And it is during these times, where we so often find ourselves lying on the borders of insantiy, that oft times one can be found fretting that life is at it's end. It is often said that to get over your fears, your longings, your deepest wounds to the heart... That all one can truly do is face them. You must walk onto that lonely road head on, and you will either drown, or learn to swim in that flowing river of emotions. For life isn't always what we expect. Yet it is in our darkest hour, where our faith is born. It is in that pitch black, where all life seems to be coming to an end, that our humanity reaches the pinnacle of strength. For it's that inkling in the corner of one's mind... The briefest of moments where one comes to realize that life will go on.

Thanks Dave.

~Joanna~
[Weather | Stormy, like my emotions]
[Listening | Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous by Good Charlotte]

Labels: high school, SBD

[Mood | Terrible]

These past few days have been horrible. I was reading this thing that I wrote in December about what my worst days were. So I'm going to list what I thought on December 16th.

Worst Days, listed on December 16, 2002
1. 9-11 week, first 9-11, then friend was in trouble.
2. PSAT score day
3. Crying about grandfather in class... after he died.

Worst Days, listed on April 30, 2003
1. April 25, 2003 --> finding out Serge had no chance
2. April 24, 2003 --> finding out where Serge was
3. April 23, 2003 --> when Serge never called back...

Nothing else can be considered as bad... only death can ever be counted as a worst day...

~Joanna~
[Weather | Wet]
[Listening | Clocks by Coldplay]

Labels: high school, SBD

[Mood | Shaking]

I spoke at the service and surprisingly I didn't cry when I spoke. I did cry when one of his friends mentioned him writing that appeal letter to U of M. Just thinking of that day I spent with him writing that letter leaves me in pain. We did so much together in that short amount of time. He was special to everyone. I heard that he talks to everyone around like 2am. Hehe, it sounds just like him.

Well, seeing the body there in the casket just made me feel... well I don't know how to explain it. The body didn't even look like him, even though it did? I don't know, but it was so silent. At the hospital at least you could see him breathing and the rising and falling of his chest, but in the casket, so silent. I had a total reality check. There are so many things I need to do and I need to work hard.

Well Alex told us that when he was up there speaking, the whole room was glowing. That was comforting to know. He had so many friends and so many good memories. I'm just glad he was able to have a meaningful life before he died. He touched so many lives, and now whereever he is, he's touching more lives.

I've decided to become buddhist again and follow my family's normal practices. I mean if we've had the same temple in our family for years and if I want to be cremated and put in that temple, I guess I'll have to follow that. When I die (hopefully old) I want a young picture of me put on the stone urn. I don't know, but I guess it'd make me feel better.

Well, life is mysterious in many ways. I'll just have to keep my chin up and keep on smiling and laughing for Serge.

"Call me back later if you're bored"
~Joanna~
[Weather | Ok]
[Listening | Colorblind by The Counting Crows]

Labels: high school, SBD

[Mood | Close to tears]

Today I am speaking for a little bit at the service. Thank you everyone who visited the website. He has so many friends and I'm very glad for that.

---------------------------

Serge:
The more and more I think about you, I feel more frantic and a more of a need to you. I could tell you anything and you never judged me or said anything to make me feel bad. Actually, you were the one always apologizing. You were and are one of a kind and I think there will forever be a hole in my heart.

I don't know how I'm going to react seeing you lying in the coffin.

The song: One Sweet Day by Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men reminds me of the things I want to say, so I'm going to post the lyrics here for everyone to see:

---------------------

Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say
And now it's too late to hold you
'Cause you've flown away
So far away

Never had I imagined
Living without your smile
Feeling and knowing you hear me
It keeps me alive
Alive

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be togetherOne sweet day

Darling, I never showed you
Assumed you'd always be there
I took your presence for granted
But I always cared
And I miss the love we shared

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day

Although the sun will never shine the same
I'll always look to a brighter day
Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep
You will always listen as I pray

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day

Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say

-----------------

I'm so sorry I never told you how much I loved you. My heart aches just thinking of you. Now that you're gone, Ian, Mimi, and me have gotten so much closer. Especially Ian and me. I just want you to know that Ian and I were there for as long as we could be. I just want you to know we both cried for you. I just want you to know that we'll love you now and forever.

Someday I'll see you again, so hopefully you'll welcome me with open arms.
------------------------

Well I just hope that I can stay strong for his family. Even though its hard, I know it will all be ok. Like he said in my dream before he died "everything will be ok..."

"Call me back later if you're bored."
~Joanna~
[Weather | Serge's favorite, 60* weather]
[Listening | Nothing]

Labels: high school, SBD

[Mood | Shitty, but its ok]

Well Serge is gone. Now I have to write something for his service. I don't even know where to start or if I can even say anything without crying.

--> What's in my Subprofile:
In loving memory of...
Serge Bongabong Dioso
October 22, 1985 - April 26, 2003
Dear Serge:
I'm still in denial and shock that you're gone but I know that you're in a better place, even if you are making hell out of it. Don't light anymore trash cans on fire or get so distracted. Everyone down here loves you and you should know that. I guess since you're gone its kind of late to do a love confession to you, but I really loved you. Your personality was so magnetic. You don't ever need to apologize to me about anything.

I'm kind of glad we're not going to prom now. It just leaves me as the cursed prom date. Wow, I'm sorry if I cursed you. On Monday I get to tell my advisor that "Um, can I return my prom tickets..." and she'll be like "why?" and I'll be like "my prom date died." Wow, this is going to be one amazing story.

Anyway, I love you and I'll never forget you. I'll think about you everyday and all the things you did for me that slowly changed my life for the better.

I'll see you soon.

~Joanna~

Serge's last words:
"call me back later if you're bored"
-on the phone with me right before the accident.
-->



I love you Serge, never forget that.

~Joannie~
[Weather | Better]
[Listening | Nothing]

Labels: high school, SBD

Hey.

Serge is gone. God rest his soul. I'm sure he's in a beautiful place in the sky though (even if he's making hell out of it =) )

They're pulling him off life support at 2am.

There will be 4 viewings and the funeral on Wednesday.

Please keep him in your prayers everyone.

I love you all. I wish I just could've told Serge that.

~Joanna~

Labels: high school, SBD

Sorry that my other posts have been a bit vague, but I'll put everything I know up right now.

He was coming home from work around 3. I believe he just got off his phone with me, because he had called me around 3, and when I called him back at 4, no one was picking up. What we think happened was a bulldozer, which had been tearing up the sidewalk, must've backed out onto the road and he just struck the bulldozer head on. No one is really sure what happened.

Currently he's at Saint Joseph Mercy Hospital in Ann Arbor in the Surgical Intensive Care Unit. He has a fractured skull and his brain is swelling so badly that blood can't get to it. He's also currently on a respirator. He has bruises all over his skull and cuts all over his arms and body. He has been unconcious since the accident.

I called the hospital today and the nurse stated his condition is about the same as yesterday.



Please feel free to leave some words of inspiration or such in the comments box. I'll be going to the hospital a lot, so I'll be able to tell him. Thanks for your support everyone.

~Joanna~

Labels: high school, SBD

here i am again. my heart is so heavy as i think about serge. i can't believe this happened. i'm really in denial.

we went to see him in surgical intensive care. he has a fractured skull and his brain is swelling. he has bruises all over his skull and cuts all over his body. at least i got to hold his hand. hold it and ian, mimi, and lem talked about all the funny things that serge has done. we love him to pieces.

we know that a bulldozer was the other vehicle. and it was on powell and ridge. he was only like 1 minute away from home. ONE MINUTE.

all of a sudden my world is torn to pieces. i can barely hear my heart beating, but i can hear my breathing. i'm basically hysterical.

i just want to hear his voice. i just wanna be able to poke him and hug him. i just wanna smell hugo boss on him. i want to play with his hair. i want to be able to walk with him and talk to him. i want to be with him while he's in pain.

his poor mom, she was crying like crazy. she never stopped since yesterday.

i was so right about when he got into an accident, about right after i got off the phone with him. around 3:13 or something like that. then the accident happened. no matter... no matter... omg... i don't know if i'll be able to sleep tonight.

well i'm going to go and cry like crazy. call the cell if you'd like.

~Joanna~

Labels: high school, SBD

oh god.

for those who don't know.
i'm in a mass hysteria right now.
serge got into a car accident.
he's currently at st. joe's in ann arbor.
in surgical intensive care.
a car hit him is what we heard.

right now i've suddenly become religious and started praying. so i hope everyone else prays for him too.

i can't believe i was just talking to him yesterday. i'm basically in tears right now.

ian is coming to pick me up soon so that we can go to the hospital.

i'm praying for you serge. please hang in there. please. i love you like no other and you're such a great friend to me. stay strong. i love you so much.

~Joanna~

Labels: high school, SBD